I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
