idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
