Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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