Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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