Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We're too hungover to prance.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
