You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
