I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
