i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
