I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
