I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
