Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
