woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
