I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
