Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I know her cup size but not her name....
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