his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
