im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
