Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
