As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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