I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
