I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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