Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Randomize