That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
