also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
