i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
