I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize