You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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