Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
