He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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