I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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