whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
