I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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