I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize