I feel like abortions should bother me more
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
