a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
