Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
