in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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