every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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