A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
