What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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