guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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