I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
