You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
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