New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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