Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
