Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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