Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
