I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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