Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
