Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
