Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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