You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
