just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
