I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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