I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
