i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
