Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
