you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
