i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
