Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
