I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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