Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish you could order shots online.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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