What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
