Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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