Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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