hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
