just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
