He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
