WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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